ghost ration

3/12/10-
What would the dark do without fevers to eat? What would the light do without eyes to knife? What will he do, do, do, do without me?


News was heard, worse than before. If he had been a king, I think he would live forever. Loss of control, the trees no longer speak the same to him. Body: old. Mind: dwindling. Embarrassing to be human on all accounts. A man lives his life then counts on scripture to save him. I'd save him.


I cannot sleep father. I cannot shut down the workings of my dry brain. The thoughts are too heavy and my heart too red -the contents of both waiting to violently purge at any slow motion moment. A calloused lifetime of memories dug under each delicate nailbed. Each hour passing I hope I'm miraculously prepared to handle this. "Someone's sitting unknowingly dead right now," your son tells me. A person surrounded and consumed by only darkness. Maggots controlling their motor functions instead of bones of love. I sit in the sun and think of how you made me. I burst from your arms like the colliding of hemispheres. I think I was born to worship you. The things I've done have been unwanted; but at times I feel the unwanting lays in your hands. Your hands. Those hands. The hands of an old man. The once large and sugary swollen fingers that held mine are cold and now fragile. I await the moment I see you but know that you have reverted back into a state of infancy. You can no longer fully grasp the nature of your narrowing hips or sullen cheeks, no longer hold my back so the cold doesn't break it. I will feed your mind and hold you in my arms while I comb back the rage. Quiet rage. It's creeping up inside my lungs like black balloons of hatred rallied towards every breathing creature. I want to kiss your knees and peel off every freckle of pain that's consumed your wildfire of a heart. The fields are greener than usual today and oh how you'd notice them. Birds are chirping and I've seen the most exquisite trees of my life. My life. Soon our blood will meet and we'll be one as I once was, a feather in a sea of flume.



morning playlist:
fleet foxes- false knight on the road
fleet foxes- white winter hymnal
andrew bird- MX missiles
iron & wine- homeward, these shoes
iron & wine- flightless bird, american mouth
m. wards- stars of leo
chris bathgate-serpentine
janove ottesen
bonnie 'prince' billy- love comes to me
damien jurado- hoquiam
rogue wave- I'll never leave you
rogue wave- california
dr. dog- heart it races
the white stripes- we're going to be friends
ottis redding- I've been loving you too long